I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
