take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
