did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
