So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
