Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found your dick twin last night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
