this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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