idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
