Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We have started to decorate penises.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
