dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
