I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
