you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
