Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why is half of my head shaved?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
