Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
that's an acceptable place to lick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
