guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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