My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
