Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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