I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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