If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
