do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
