I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
