I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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