I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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