South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
