she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
