I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
