my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
