you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
