awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
