I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
