I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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