at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
