I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
