Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
