this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
