covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
