I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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