mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
