The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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