he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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