matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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