She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
