I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
PANTIES FOUND
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
