Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
