I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
