So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
