I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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