get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
