So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
