i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
