I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
