apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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