so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pants are for mortals
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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