Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
