those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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