i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
