Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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