went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
