The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
