Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
