yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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