If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
