You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
