Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
