R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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