Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
