I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
