so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
