Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
