I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
