Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
