I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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