Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
