fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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