Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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