She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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