did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
